The Laziest Witch

There was a young witch named Cleo.

She lived in a old house with her three sisters; Jenny, Marie and Tabitha.

Cleo loved to spend her time reading, she was never happier than when she was curled up with her old ragged book of spells.

Jenny loved to spend her time out in the woods chasing goblins and elves.

Marie loved to spend her time flying around on her broom. Whooshing through the air.

Tabitha loved  to spend her time out shopping for items for her cauldron.

"Put down that old book and go chase some goblins in the woods" cried Jenny "Its so much fun"

"No thanks" said Cleo "I'm reading my book"

"Your the laziest witch" cried Jenny.

"Put down that book and I'll teach you how to ride a broom" offered Marie "I'll teach you how to fly through the air"

"No thanks" said Cleo "I'm reading my book"

"Your the laziest witch" moaned Marie.

"Put down that book and come shopping with me" pleaded Tabitha "We can buy some eye of newt and wing of bat"

"No thanks" said Cleo "I'm reading my book"

"Your the laziest witch" harked Tabitha.

Later that day the three sisters complained about Cleo to each other "All she does is read that book" said Jenny, "She hardly ever goes outside" offered Marie, "She's hardly a witch at all" scoffed Tabitha.

Then between them they decided to cook up a fiendish trick on poor Cleo. They were going to pinch her precious book and hide it from her.

Later that evening whilst Cleo was in the kitchen making herself a frog sandwich the three sisters pounced on the unguarded book.

"What does she even want to read this for" moaned Jenny, rolling her eyes, "Its old and tatty" laughed Marie, "And what do all these words mean?" asked Tabitha as she began to read them out "Bibble tribble boo foo cribble"

And with that a giant red fiery demon jumped from the book in a cloud of red smoke, he laughed and loomed above the three sisters, he had gnarled teeth and yellow eyes and he had a terrible sinister grin that went from ear to ear.

Just then Cleo was walking back into the room, she saw the demon, she flung her sandwich away and cried out "Simble pimple loose toos timble!" and with that the demon shrank down as small as mouse and was then sucked back into the book.

"Thank you!!" cried out Jenny, Marie and Tabitha. "What was that thing?" asked Jenny "It was a fire demon" explained Cleo "It was terrifying" sobbed Marie, "How did you know how to get rid of it?" Asked Tabitha "I just used a spell from my book, I know all the spells" Cleo described.

The three sisters were glad that Cleo knew the spells and that she spent all her time reading them and from then on they no longer called her the Laziest witch, from then on they all called her the cleverest witch.

Matthew The Rather Peckish Fox (Full version)

Who ate all the animals in the zoo?

Cliff the zoo keeper turned up early one morning to feed all the animals their breakfast. He noticed that the zoo was strangely quiet.

He went to feed the elephants but they were not there.

He went to feed the kangaroos but they were not there.

He went to feed the giraffes but they were not there.

There were no lions, no monkeys, no penguins, no lizards, no polar bears

no deer, no seals, no wolves, no tigers, no vultures, no rhino. They were gone.

It was as if all the animals had been gobbled up. But who ate all the animals in the zoo? There were only two animals left.

The meerkat, stood atop his house keeping watch.

And the Tyrannosaurs Rex, which has washed ashore in an iceberg last week, it has been perfectly preserved and it was still alive. It was put in the zoo for safe keeping.

Cliff the zoo keeper had spotted a tiny hand print in the enclosures of each animal.  Therefore he deduced it must be the meerkat and the meerkat was sent off to jail.

Cliff the zoo keeper was sad all the animals had been eaten but he was happy that he had found the culprit.

Or had he? (Cliff spies the T-Rex's tiny hands)

Matthew The Rather Peckish Fox (with pictures) - Demo Version

Jefferson And The Moon

One winter evening Jefferson the rabbit was having dinner at his friend Maxwell’s burrow. They had dandelion stew and many glasses of fern wine as they sat by the warm fire remembering their school days and getting nostalgic.

   They talked on and on and neither of them noticed just how late it was getting. Until suddenly Jefferson happened to glance at the clock. It was half past ten. 

   “Oh My Goodness!” Jefferson exclaimed. It was way past his bedtime.

   “I’ve been having such a good time I didn’t realise how late it was. I had better be going” he said in flap. “It’s awfully late Jefferson, you’re very welcome to stay here for the night” Maxwell offered but Jefferson wanted to get home to his own cosy bed. “Thank you for offer Maxwell but it’s only a few minutes to my place. I will be OK” and then they said their good byes and Jefferson was off on his way home.

It was dark outside. Very dark. Jefferson has never been outside this late before. The woods which he knew like the back of his foot now looked completely different and unfamiliar. He felt a little unsure of where he was going. 

He walked a little way and then he had the sudden feeling he was not alone. “Who’s there?” he asked into the darkness, his voice trembling a little. No reply came. He slowly turned around to see who was there and he was greeted with a sight he had never seen before. Whoever it was they were just floating there. They were pale, round and light and looked unlike anyone Jefferson had ever seen. 

 Jefferson did not want to wait around to see what this person wanted, off he ran into the darkness. He ran as fast as he could and once he though he had put enough distance between himself and the mysterious stranger he turned around to make sure he had lost them. He turned slowly and there they were! Still floating there! “My goodness!” Jefferson gasped and he made a break for it once more.

  He ran to the shelter of a nearby tree. “They will never find me hiding under here” Jefferson thought to himself. He looked about to see if he could see them again and as he looked up there it was, sitting amongst the branches. “Oh My!” he said with a yelp.

 He ran off again, darting into the darkness. He zigged and zagged through the undergrowth in an effort to shake them off. He then spied someone in the darkness. The outline of a figure. “They’ll help me” Jefferson thought to himself and he ran towards them.

     “Help! Help!” he yelled at the stranger. As he got nearer he saw that it was a large bird. “My name Mr Owl” he said in a very calm manner “what seems to be the matter?”

     “I’m being followed by a stranger” Jefferson blurted out “They are pale and round and light and they float. They have been following me and they wont leave me alone”

      Mr Owl chuckled to himself. “That’s not a stranger” he chuckled “That’s the moon”

      “The Moon?” enquired Jefferson.

      “Yes” Explained Mr Owl. “The moon looks close but it’s actually very far away. The moon is my friend, it keeps me company when I’m out hunting for my dinner”

       “Your dinner?” asked Jefferson “You have your dinner in the middle of the night?”

       “Why yes” smiled Mr Owl “Sometimes I have mice, sometimes I have voles and sometimes I have rabbit”

        “RABBIT!!” cried Jefferson and with that he fled. 

        He was running again through the undergrowth but this time he could hear Mr Owl close behind him. Jefferson knew he was fast and that he could out run most animals but he was struggling to keep away from Mr Owl.

   He saw a fallen tree and managed to run underneath. He heard Mr owl land on top it with a thud. “Why don’t you come out?” Asked Mr Owl. Jefferson was too frightened to answer him.

      He sat there, under the fallen tree looking out. He knew his burrow was near by but in the darkness he just couldn’t see where it was. 

      Just then the moon came out from behind a cloud and bathed the who wood in pale light. Suddenly Jefferson could see the entrance to his burrow. He decided he needed to act fast before the moon disappeared again. He ran for it, he could he the swish of Mr Owls wings behind him but before he knew it he was in the entrance and down his burrow. Safe and sound he collapsed onto the floor to catch his breath.

      Jefferson never ever went outside again at night but sometimes late in the evening he would look up out of the entrance of his burrow to see the moon in the nights sky and remember how it had helped him find his way home.

Written by Guy Healy 2015

The Adventures of Lazer Bear

Lazer Bear lived in a small cottage in the middle of the wild forest. There he liked to indulge in his three hobbies- baking bread, scrap booking and listening to old jazz records. 

Lazer Bear was just like any other bear in the forest except that he was able to shoot lazers out of his eyes. 

One Tuesday afternoon Lazer Bear decided he would bake a loaf of rye bread for his dinner. He checked the cupboard for ingredients but found he was out of rye flour. He looked at his clock and realised he had twenty minutes until the shop shut, just enough time to get some rye flour.

Not long after he had set off he came across his neighbour Rabbit. “Hey Lazer Bear!” he yelled “My coffee went cold, I guess i was daydreaming. Any chance you could warm it up with your lazers?” 

“OK” agreed Lazer Bear and he shot his lazer vision out of his eyes and into rabbots mug of coffee, warming it up nicely.

 “Now I really must be on my way” explained Lazer Bear.

A few moments later Lazer Bear ran into his other neighbour Duck. “Afternoon Lazer Bear” he quacked. “Could you help me out? I backed my car into a tree yesterday and the bumper came off. Any chance you could help me weld it back on with your lazer vision?” 

  “I’m afraid I’m in a bit of a rush at the moment” he said to Duck with a shrug.

 “C’mon Lazer Bear, it wont take a moment and my car just doesn’t look right with the bumper missing” pleaded Duck.

“Fine!” said Lazer Bear reluctantly and he welded the bumper with his lazer vision as duck held it in place.

“Now I really must be on my way” explained Lazer Bear.

It was going to be close but Lazer Bear thought he might just make it to the shop in time, then he ran into another neighbour, Jimmy the convict. 

Jimmy the convict looked even shiftier than usual as he sauntered up to Lazer Bear. “Pssst, lazer bear, you couldn’t help me out could you?” he asked “ I have these shackles on my arms and legs, you couldn’t cut me free from them could you?”

“Why do you have shackles on your arms and legs” asked Lazer Bear curiously.

 “ Look, Its a long boring story Lazer Bear, couldn’t you just cut me free?” Jimmy asked

“I really don’t have time for long stories, I’m in a rush” Lazer Bear said as he cut Jimmy free from his shackles. 

 “Now I really must be on my way” explained Lazer Bear as he ran off towards the shop.

Lazer Bear finally arrived at the shop but he was too late. It was shut.

     “Grrrrr” yelled Lazer Bear “If I hadn’t had to stop and help everyone I would have made it and been able to make my rye bread” and he stormed off home in a huff.

Lazer Bear was not to know but while he was arriving home and slamming the door shut the wild forest had been over run by a pack of lions, tigers and elephants. 

They were running amok, they had caused rabbit to spill his coffee, they had dented ducks car and they had Jimmy the convict worried that their sudden appearance might attract the authorities.

Lazer Bear was still sulking when there was a knock at the door. It was Rabbit, Duck and Jimmy. “We need your help!” exclaimed Rabbit.

 “Lions, tigers and elephants are running amok around the wild forest” Duck explained. 

“Please scare them off with your lazer vision!” pleased Jimmy.

“No!” said Lazer Bear sternly. “I’ve helped you all enough already today”

Lazer Bear stood there in his doorway, feeling grumpy and looking at Rabbit, Duck and Jimmy. They looked sad. “OK, Fine” mumbled Lazer Bear and off he ran into the wood. He fired his lazer vision all around and he managed to scare off all the lions, tigers and elephants. The wild forest was quiet once more.

He then returned home and there on his his door step was a pile of things and a note. The note read “Thank you Lazer Bear. Thanks for scaring off the Lions, Tigers and Elephants. Also thanks for everything else you do for us. We do appreciate it Please enjoy these presents as a thank you from us” It was from Rabbit, Duck and Jimmy.

Under the note there was a old jazz cd, some new empty scrapbooks and a bag of rye flour. 

    “RYE FLOUR!” yelled Lazer Bear. “Hurrah!!!”

That night Lazer Bear sat in his cottage, listening to jazz, making scrap books and eating delicious rye bread.

Written by Guy Healy 2015

Matthew The Rather Peckish Fox

Matthew the fox on a quiet afternoon

Was reading a book, sat in his front room

When all of a sudden he jumped to his feet

“I’m rather peckish, now what can I eat?”

He raced to the kitchen but every cupboard was bare

Not a scrap of food could be found in his lair

“I’ll have to go out, to find something for lunch”

He was not sure about what he would munch

So he walked to a cafe to see what they had

“How about a full English? That will fill you my lad”

“That sounds too heavy but thanks anyway”

“I’ll have to keep looking so I bid you good day”

So he walked to a restaurant, it looked like it would do

“How about roast beef? With redcurrant jus”

“That sounds too rich but thanks anyway”

“I’ll have to keep looking so I bid you good day”

So he walked to a food truck, it looked very nice

“How about tacos?” Served with chilli’s and rice”

That sounds too spicy but thanks anyway”

“I’ll have to keep looking so I bid you good day”

So he walked to a chip shop, this should be quick

“How about deep fried fish? With thick golden chips?”

“That sounds too greasy but thanks anyway”

“I’ll have to keep looking so I bid you good day”

So he walked to a farm shop, it was worth one last try

“How about eggs? You can boil or fry”

That sounds perfect, I’ll take them right away

“I can’t wait to eat them so I’ll bid you good day”

They were just the ticket, what he wanted the most

He ate them scrambled on two slices of toast

And after he had finished he knew he was well fed

“Now what about pudding” he thought shaking his head

Written by Guy Healy 2015